The mere announcement of “single-ness” has men lining up at your doorstep wanting to wine and dine you. A simple post on Facebook stating the dishwasher is broken and every handyman in the county is volunteering his services. You and your kids are thriving and can’t imagine why every mom doesn’t want this incredible way of life. Money is never an issue because everyone understands your situation, including utility companies, mortgage holders, credit card issuers and landlords. Employers value your work and encourage time off to take care of your sick child, attend a school event or escort him or her to the dentist.
OK… I am sure if you are a single mom and reading this, you are gnashing your teeth and have used some colorful words to tell me I must have lost my mind. And, I am sure in some utopian society on the planet Outerslabovia, this way of life could be a reality. I am not saying there aren’t single moms out there thriving so don’t crucify me if you are one of them. God Bless and I wish you the best. However, my “single-mom friends” and I are not quite living the dream as previously described.
Take for instance, last night. I just got my 2002 Honda Odyssey back from the mechanic who replaced the transmission. My mechanic, knowing my financial status (abundance challenged) found a used transmission and was able to get me up and going for a reasonable sum compared to installing a new transmission. Seeing that my only credit card is maxed and my bank account doesn’t have many digits, my ex footed the bill for the repair. Thankfully, we have stayed on good terms… as long as we don’t spend more than a few hours together.
I just get home with my “turd” as I call it with the new transmission and am met at the door by my sixteen year old daughter with her twenty year old boyfriend who are leaving to get Chinese at their favorite restaurant and go to a movie. My daughter quickly reminds me she needs money for a volleyball shirt, karate, lunch money and her gas tank is low. You may be saying to yourself that maybe my daughter needs to get a job so she can cover her own costs. I am not saying you are wrong, but I decided that as long as she was responsible, stayed out of trouble and got good grades, I did not want her to have to work. After graduation, she will start working and will work the rest of her life so I want her to focus on and enjoy being in High School. Secretly I am hoping she will become an Astrophysicists and I can be her full-time gardener, cook and housekeeper. For me, it would be the single mom’s version of winning the lottery.
I wish them a good time and head into the kitchen. I open the refrigerator and grab a cold Diet Coke before closing the door and pushing the towel back under the freezer door. It will catch the water when the freezer spontaneously defrosts for no apparent reason. Maybe this weekend I will thaw it totally out so I can get the two other folded towels in the bottom shelf out of the freezer out and start new. The plus side is we now decide what’s for dinner by what item has thawed the most each evening. It takes a lot of the time spent on decision making out of the mix.
My nineteen year old son shows up for supper. The hamburger won the most defrosted contest so we are making tacos. He is going to a local Community College on a A+ scholarship that pays for everything except books and lab fees. He will have a two year Automotive Certificate in the Spring but has decided he wants to pursue other options for a career. In short, he loves working on cars and learning how to do so but doesn’t want to do it for a living. We combine forces and make short work of preparing tacos and shorter work of devouring them. We are just about to bag the leftovers and start the dishwasher when the “ex” shows up. It seems his “food-dar” is as finely tuned as ever. I mention the clogged drain in the daughter’s bathtub since he is a plumber by trade and he grumbles something about her cutting her long hair so she doesn’t clog the drain. Between mouthfuls of tacos, he says he will take a look at it “sometime”. Not that I really mind her using my shower with her two kinds of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, razor, shaving gel, exfoliator and clippers. It’s just that it seems a bit crowded with my one type of gel that “does it all”.
Seeing my son and his dad off for the night, I head out to the car to get my book so I can relax for the evening reading the latest Stone Barrington mystery. I walk through the kitchen on my way to the couch and nearly slip on liquid that has puddled on the floor. The on again/off again leaky dishwasher has decided to urp its water all over the kitchen hardwood. After turning the dishwasher off and mopping the floor, I turn to see my daughter’s calico cat watching me from the countertop. I swear she secretly finds great amusement in our misfortunes and while she looks interested on the outside is covertly laughing her ass off on the inside.
I look at her thinking maybe she has it figured out after all. I mean if you can’t laugh about things that goes wrong with your day, what can you find humor in?
write by Oscar